Of course, not being independently wealthy, finances would play a role. We’re talking just a small scale operation here, no economies of scale, no mass production, no greed. I figured we’d go for production of less than 1000 bottles per annum. I’m actually in the process of house hunting, so I figured I’d look for a place a bit more remote with some suitable land for a micro-vineyard.

The first dagger to the heart of my plan came when some initial research revealed pretty steep barriers to entry. Some of the equipment involved in modern winemaking is expensive, but being the spontaneous guy I am, what really hurt was that I would need five years before I could get a crop going which would produce decent wine. I don’t really like to plan more than six months in advance, and that was kind of a deal breaker. I also didn’t want to buy someone else’s vineyard. That sounded lame and can also be very pricey.

I did, however, come across some interesting factual tidbits during my research. Apparently, winemaking has a few things in common with apple preservation. As discussed in “Principles and Practices of Winemaking” by Boulton, Singleton, Bisson, and Kunkee, winemaking is quite the CO₂ intensive activity. Around 40 years ago, you’d have one dead guy per vintage in California as a result of said fellow “entering fermentors or confined spaces containing (or recently drained of) active alcoholic yeast fermentations and not adequately ventilated”. Unconsciousness apparently occurs rapidly with brain death following soon thereafter.

That book goes into all kinds of technical detail about how much carbon dioxide is produced with different kinds of wines and also describes how modern vineyards with carbon dioxide detectors make this a pretty moot point these days. Regardless, given that carbon dioxide has no scent, unknowingly walking into a room that will kill you, is kind of a scary idea.

Thoughts to ponder before you uncork that bottle of wine tonight.

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

I must say, though, my shopping experience was massively diminished by an auditory onslaught of overdone holiday cheer. I was cringing and trying not to vomit as I picked up a variety of decent quality, good value food items. I really wish I could describe the music in more detail, but I was trying my darndest to ignore it or repress it or whatever.

I never do this, but I just had to ask the funky, hip young woman at the register, “Doesn’t this music make you crazy?”.  She had asked me how I was doing and, uh, I wasn’t doing that well. I felt weighed down by every musical Christmas cliché possible. Her overly friendly demeanor changed quite a bit, and she responded,

“No.”

I was beginning to think I had just insulted her favorite brand of Christmas music cheese, when she trailed off with, “I don’t even listen to it. Maybe that’s why not.”

At that moment, I felt somewhat redeemed, as if my question had had some validity. No, things were definitely not right in the world, and I didn’t quite get the answer I was hoping for, but it was a start.

So, in conclusion, if you own some sort of establishment frequented by the general public and want to play Christmas music, don’t pick the stuff that tries way to hard to put people in the Christmas spirit. Don’t overdo it. Take it easy. Thank you.

The initial idea was to minimize this exposure. So the apples were packed in airtight storage halls. The apples then sucked up the remaining oxygen and converted it into carbon dioxide. A lack of oxygen and a bit of carbon did a pretty decent job of preserving apples.

And yet, in our increasingly competitive world where a price differing in the amount of a few cents can make all the difference, pretty good was not good enough. So, nowadays, instead of letting the apples go to work on their own, the storage halls are filled with nitrogen to initally reduce the amount of oxygen. They call it “Controlled Atmosphere” storage.

Fun fact: Say you were to stumble upon one such storage facility and were like, “Hmmm, what’s in here?” Apparently, you’d be able to take about two steps before collapsing and well, instantly dying. This is no joke, and though this is unlikely to happen since such locations are well-secured, several people do die this unfortunate death. That’s right, suicide. What would you think about showing up at your local supermarket and seeing a little sign next to the apples saying, “A man committed suicide in the facility in which these apples were stored. Enjoy.”